Editor-in-Chief ripped to bloody shreds

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By The News Team    

Beloved Editor-in-Chief Mo “Mosie DiManno” Omar was torn limb from limb during a riot on Gould Street on April 8. Police have detained an editor from the rival campus paper, The Ryersonian.

“He was telling people I was some kind of mole for The Eyeopener,” said Sean W.E.I.C. Wetselaar. “He messed with stuff that was way above his head.”

Sources close to Omar said that he may have started the riot himself after a mental breakdown.

“It started with relatable GIF articles, ‘15 Moments from Friends that Feel like Exams,’ stuff like that. But then he got obsessed,” said Mehdad Behichi, online editor. “Soon we were pumping out 40 GIF articles with titles like ‘Best Cats to Look at While Pooping.’ He lost it.”

Omar’s obsession only grew. Plans were found in his office stating he discovered a “format so innovative that would make Sheldon Levy look like a fucking troglodyte.”

But he soon began setting fire to news stands and muttering “Dead format, no scrollbar.”

Omar then stopped abruptly, an unidentifiable twinkle in his eye, and started sprinting.

Reports indicate that Omar broke into the puppy clinic at Ryerson and began shovelling dogs into a large burlap sack and rushed out to Gould Street.

“He had Satan in his eyes,” said graduating journalism-student Jackie Hong. “It makes a great story for page three.”

Omar began pelting people with puppies screaming “CLICK IT, YOU BASTARDS,” until a crowd gathered around him.

Soon after, Omar was torn asunder by annoyed rioters.

Omar’s former roommate, Charles Vanegas, said that this was a dark day for journalism.

“Fuck Sean Wetselaar,” he said.

Omar was wearing blue when he died.

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