Sup newbies!? This is the part of the news section where us boring news junkies get to flex our comedic muscles (or try). Every other week you’ll find all of the most hilarious security and campus news bites packed up nicely in this nice little box (I know it’s rectangular) we call Briefs & Groaners.
> Guys, there’s more burritos
A Burrito Boyz location has opened up at the corner of Bond and Dundas streets and that’s the biggest thing that happened all damn summer. Now you’ll have your options open for a Mexican delight around campus and another location to waste all your OSAP money at. As an official advocate of burritos everywhere The Eyeopener recommends you don’t sleep on the seafood flavours, cause that shit is on point. So bring your boyz to the place of burritos and get guac, you deserve it (jokez, it doesn’t cost extra at Burrito Boyz).
> Hey new guy, there’s a new Gov’t
Last year a new slate of Ryerson Students’ Union government took over called Transform Ryerson. They are now the ones in charge of making sure that you are represented appropriately in conversations with the school administration. It is your job to hold them accountable, read their platforms, ask them questions and use their utilities. Make their jobs as hard as possible, because we’ll all benefit from it. So ask them hard questions, like, “Would you rather eat cheese or croutons for the rest of your life?”
> The Sisterhood of the Traveling Eggy
The mascot has been on the move this summer. He travelled around the city of Toronto messing with people’s lives and posing for photos because like all mascots, he’s an attention-seeking masochist. Ryerson held a contest to see who could find him around the city, giving out prizes to the unlucky people that had to be around that selfish prick. There were also a bunch of stupid hashtags involved because Twitter is everything and I’m having trouble breathing underneath all of these damn pound-signs. *Takes deep-breath.*
Seen some crazy stuff on campus? Email firstname.lastname@example.org