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Me and my beautiful wife Fiona will do your laundry! PHOTO: SIERRA BIEN
Me and my beautiful wife Fiona will do your laundry! PHOTO: SIERRA BIEN
All Fun & Satire

Funvertisement: Fartoosh Family Laundry

By Frankie Fartoosh

Nothing beats the smell of fresh linen! But as a student, it can be hard to find the time to head out and get your laundry cleaned for an affordable price. That’s where we come in!

I’m Frankie Fartoosh. My wife Fiona and I are committed to supplying Ryerson students with a quality, affordable location to get their clothes cleaned. That’s why we started Fartoosh Family Laundry!

If you want your laundry done for you, for a price cheaper than any other local laundromat, come visit Fartoosh Family Laundry at 148 Church St., apt. 418, buzzer code 6822.

Our apartment is decked out with the latest washing and drying technology that my wife Fiona picked out. She knows a lot about that stuff. She is the love of my life, and I will do absolutely anything to protect her. I better not hear you say anything bad about my lovely Fiona, hahaha!

How does our laundry service work? Simply leave your laundry basket outside our apartment door with the exact payment on top of the clothes and give three hard knocks. I will then open the door and collect your laundry, as you turn around to face the other direction. You then must wait outside of the apartment as we work to get your clothes looking good as new, because the apartment is laced with anemia and we wouldn’t want you to catch it!

If you would like to leave a tip, then simply slide it under the door. But you’d better not peek into the apartment, because I don’t want anyone to know the secrets of my business. Understand that I’m always watching. If you peek in for so much as a second I will be forced to bring you into the apartment and give you a “talk” about snooping.

We here at Fartoosh Family Laundry, believe that traditional family values make for great small businesses. That’s why I make sure that my wife Fiona is always by my side!

So if you’re tired of spending your weekends sitting in a laundromat and paying ridiculously high prices, come to Fartoosh Family Laundry and stand outside of our apartment while we wash your clothes. The smell of fresh linen will fill your nostrils with joy, and cover up the other smells emanating from our apartment!

With files from Robert Mackenzie

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