The disgraced fun editor Robert Mackenzie announcing his resignation

Photo Jacob Dubé

Mackenzie resigns as fun editor

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By Pew Chalmers

Robert Mackenzie has resigned as The Eyeopener’s fun editor after a month-long Funvestigation brought his embezzlement scheme to light.

Mackenzie announced his resignation in the State of the Fun Section address he gave last Monday. “I have decided that now is the time for me to step aside and hand over the fun section to a new leader. Thank you to all those who remained loyal to me. I hope the fun section will keep on thriving,” Mackenzie said in his speech.

Mackenzie’s elaborate embezzlement scheme ran over the entire semester. Ultimately, Mackenzie has taken $364,000 in money that was supposed to be going to The Eyeopener.

The Funvestigation began after local small-business owner Enzo Malone, a source who has previously been referred to as Lovebug in order to hide his identity, came to us with allegations that Mackenzie was taking a percentage of the revenue from each Funvertisement.

Malone, an old friend of Mackenzie’s, had taken out a Funvertisement at the beginning of the year, and worked closely with Mackenzie in the development of Funvertisements all semester.

“His scheme got out of control!” Malone said. “Turning him in was my only option. He will come out of this a better person, that’s an Enzo guarantee!”

Mackenzie’s resignation came as somewhat of a surprise to most.

“I definitely didn’t see it coming,” said Eyeopener space editor Jacob Dubé. “His resignation was a pleasant surprise to all of us at The Eyeopener, who in no way condone his unethical actions.”

After a press conference he held last week, it appeared that Mackenzie was set to stay on as fun editor and fight the inevitably long and ugly legal battles that were to come.

Mackenzie broke several rules in The Eyeopener’s constitution, such as stealing corporation property and violating ethical practices.

But reports indicate that Mackenzie struck a deal with The Eyeopener last weekend. By resigning and leaving the mess in a quiet manner, The Eyeopener has agreed not to file lawsuits against their former fun editor.

Mackenzie’s resignation has not completely quieted his critics, however. In light of his lack of punishment from The Eyeopener, several fun readers have started a class-action lawsuit against Mackenzie’s unethical practices. The case will be presented to a judge next year.

Semi-professional juggler Skyler Ash will be taking Mackenzie’s place as fun editor next semester.

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