Photo: Annie Arnone

Friendship on fire

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By Sidney Drmay

My best friend and I are dating, platonically, and we also steal for each other. Nothing big — I take salt shakers for her and she takes pepper. The first time it happened it was kind of a joke but now we keep doing it. Honestly, it’s a pretty ideal relationship. She’s the first person I’ll text in a day, we talk pretty consistently and we send each other snapchats when we hear Uptown Funk. Whenever we see each other in person we still have a million things to cover — our hangouts are usually dinner and a movie. I tell her that I love her a dozen times a day and if I’m not saying it, I’m sending heart emojis. But I don’t really want to hook up with her.

Our relationship goes beyond a simple friendship, because I love her deeply and really care for her. I want to be there for her forever and support her no matter what. As much as I love romance and dating, there’s something unique about platonic love that makes it important. There were moments when we considered a romantic relationship but it never quite made sense — she would start dating someone romantically or I would be caught up with a steady partner, and we were happier staying platonic. It takes nothing away from our relationship — we find it natural to wear our matching moon rings and keep photos of each other in our wallets. It works so well because there are no requirements to hang out, we don’t have to get all fancy to go out unless we want to, and half the time we like watching movies on my couch. Some people call this a queerplatonic relationship.

A queerplatonic relationship is a friendship on fire — a friendship based on platonic love that can be just as important as romantic relationships. Queerplatonic love lets you have more people to rely on, more people to support you and more people to talk to. It’s a friendship with a much deeper commitment than what most people see in their friendships — a friend or friends that you know will be a part of your life forever.

One of the ways people mess up their romantic relationships is by using their partner as their main source of support. This can end up being really dangerous and overwhelming for everyone involved; one person can’t handle all of your problems and this causes a lot of strain in a relationship. There are some situations that, no matter what, your partner just won’t be able to help with. Not to mention if you’re like me and your partner doesn’t like watching crappy teen movies repeatedly, it’s pretty useful to have someone in your life that does. Queerplatonic relationships can help with that.

Stop seeing friendships as supplementary to your romantic relationships. Recognize that your friends are just as important as your partners. Don’t lose time for them when you have a partner — by courting your friends, too. Dating your friends is awesome, you get to do all kind of couple-like activities like going for brunch, bringing them home to meet your parents or cuddling and watching new TV shows. You can have a level of support and consistency without worrying about the relationship ending. Seriously, just tell your friends you love them. Besides some minor theft, what’s the worst that can happen?

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