Mayonnaise heals this lovely couple.

Photo: Devin Jones

The mayonnaise effect

In Fun & Satire, Love & Sex1 Comment

Reading Time: 2 minutes

By Celina Gallardo

What do sandwiches and relationships have in common? They can both be enhanced with a little bit of mayonnaise.

A study published in the Canadian Journal of Mayonnaise and More found that incorporating a jar of mayonnaise in your love life can greatly improve you and your partner’s relationship. The phenomenon has been named “The Mayonnaise Effect.”

The study, conducted by Dr. Theresa Pimiento in November 2015, did not reveal any concrete answers as to why mayonnaise worked so well, but Dr. Pimiento hypothesizes that it has something to do with how mayonnaise is made.

“Mayonnaise is made with vinegar and oil, which on their own would separate. However, adding an egg yolk will emulsify and bond the two together, creating mayonnaise,” said Pimiento. “And that’s exactly what has happened with the couples I’ve studied.”

Pimiento gathered eight couples, all of whom were going through rough patches in their relationships, and left each couple alone in a room with a jar of mayonnaise. Pimiento was expecting the couples to use the mayonnaise in an “ungodly manner,” but the results astounded her.

“Almost instantly after my partner opened the mayonnaise jar, I lost it and began calling him out on his Gilmore Girls binge-watching and how it has been tearing us apart,” said Hugh Simmons, a participant in the experiment. “But after a good 30 minutes of yelling, everything was resolved and our love has grown stronger.”

After the experiment, all of the participating couples reported a significant improvement in their love lives. One couple has decided to get married shortly after being alone with a mayonnaise jar for almost two hours.

According to Pimiento, couples described the mayonnaise jar as a symbol of their jarred-up secrets and feelings and opening the jar symbolized a breaking of barriers.

So if you and your loved one are feeling disconnected, open up your hearts and open up a jar of mayonnaise.

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