The "funky" socks in question.

Photo: Jake Scott

Funky socks cause office controversy

In Fun & SatireLeave a Comment

Reading Time: 2 minutes

By Skyler Ash

A company is facing a lawsuit after an employee was fired for wearing “funky” socks to work.

Maddox Tyme, a 23-year-old Ryerson University graduate, works at Liright Finances in Toronto. Last week, he wore hamburger socks. This week, he’s going to court after being fired for his fashion choices.

“I took a fashion risk,” said Tyme. “I thought it felt right, but I’ve never been more wrong.”

Tyme said his boss, Richard Fort, pulled him into the conference room after lunch where he was told to “sit down and shut up.” His boss and coworkers then launched a “shameful tribunal” in which they forced Tyme to put his socks through a paper shredder while they chanted “Hanes or die.”

“It’s insanity!” said Tyme. “They’re just a pair of socks, I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“He doesn’t see what the big deal is?” said Fort. “I’ll tell you what the big deal is: this is a Hanes-only office. We wear plain white Hanes or we don’t wear socks at all. But you should always wear socks, or that’s just disgusting.”

Tyme reported the incident to the Human Resources (HR) branch of Liright Finances immediately after it occurred. “All HR did was leave a box on my desk full of the strands of my shredded socks,” said Tyme. “A guy doesn’t need this kind of prank when he’s mourning the loss of his best pair of socks.”

Following the day of the ritualistic sock-shredding, Fort had a “sock safety” meeting with all employees, where he made informational pamphlets and gave each worker a pair of plain white Hanes after they completed the sock-safety workshop.

“We should have done this earlier,” said Fort. “All the signs were there with Tyme, we just didn’t try and stop it.” Fort said the signs of “fashion insubordination” included “edgy haircuts, flamboyant pocket squares, vintage cufflinks and funky socks.”

“Fort did the right thing with the workshop,” said Cecilia Broykova, CEO of Liright Finances. “He caught wind of a very serious situation and he handled it with grace and dignity.”

Broykova said she received video footage of the shredding afterward from one of Fort’s employees. “I’m glad I got the footage,” she said. “My YouTube page has a ton of hits because of it!”

Tyme, who said he was unhappy with the lack of action from Broykova, came to work the next day in “all the things that Fort hates.” He got half of his head shaved, wore a lime green and pink pocket square, vintage anchor cufflinks and space cat socks.

“The guy looked like a schmuck,” said Timothy Grigg, a Liright employee. “He waltzed into the place swaddled in some hispter get-up like he owned the place and also the entire bon iver discography.”

When Fort saw Tyme, he immediately fired him for “being a little twerp.” Tyme packed his things into a vintage leather hat box and biked to his lawyer’s office to sue Fort.

“I’m taking this very seriously,” said Tyme. “I’m good at my job, I shouldn’t be fired because of what I’m wearing.”

Tyme and Fort’s court date is set for March 25. Tyme plans to wear socks with cacti on them. “They represent Fort, because he’s a fucking prick.”

Leave a Comment