By Skyler Ash
If you’re an introvert at heart, or just really hate people, then you’ll know that it can be hard to get out and join the living world. People are loud, rude and disgusting — but not you, you’re lovely and cultured and above everyone else. But you still want to have a good time, so here are some surefire ways to help you get there!
1. Smile. A lot. Probably too much. Do you seem creepy? No! Well, maybe a little. Just smile when you make eye contact with people. Or is that too much?
2. Don’t smile. Don’t look like you’re trying too hard.
3. Hold something. A drink, a small snack, your phone, that stranger’s hand, whatever you need to do to keep your hands occupied. Being nervous can make you fidgety, so just hold onto something. Or will that make you look weird?
4. Don’t hold anything. You don’t want to look like a hoarder.
5. Laugh. Often. Loudly. Wait, no, not too loudly. That’d just be obnoxious. Just laugh when appropriate, like when someone makes a joke. But don’t laugh at every joke, that’s a bit overzealous. Plus, people aren’t as funny as they think they are.
6. Don’t laugh. It’s just too much.
7. Mingle. Mix-it-up, meet some new faces. But don’t do that thing you always do, you know? You know what I mean. Don’t do the thing. It’s weird, and you take it too far.
8. Don’t mingle. Maybe you’re not ready to meet new people just yet. You don’t need new friends.
9. Have a party trick. Can you sing? Dance? Do magic? Juggle? Anything? God, how have you made it this far in life with so few talents?
10. Don’t have a party trick. Don’t be that person.
Maybe you aren’t cut out to have a good time. At least not with other people. Just stay at home, read a book, watch TV. Or go to parties. Be that awkward person in the corner smiling too much, holding at least five things, laughing too loudly, mingling with everyone and pulling quarters out from behind people’s ears. Just keep being you and chances are you’ll have a good time.