Photo: Marissa Dederer

Ryerson launches new Zone Zone

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By Ina Vashión

Following the success of Ryerson’s various zones, such as the Fashion Zone and the Biomedical Zone, Zone Learning has launched the Zone Zone, a zone dedicated to creating new zones.

“This is a great opportunity for students,” said Carlotta Falcon, head of the Zone Zone. “Zones are great ways to work on innovative ideas, so what better idea than a zone that creates zones that creates the ideas? It’s genius.”

The zone consists of a team of “fresh new business minds” synergizing together to form the newest zones to hit the business world.

“We took the first ten people off the street. One was fighting a raccoon,” Falcon said. “We needed people who have never worked in business. That’s where the real gravy comes from.”

So far, the Zone Zone has spawned three new zones.

The Regression Zone: From the mind of student entrepreneur Jenny Gabriel, the Regression Zone focuses on taking a business and undoing all of the progress it has made.

“We make sure every innovator that comes in leaves with their precious ideas in unrecoverable shambles, never to see the light of day,” said Gabriel.

Gabriel and his team are currently developing a 4D printer that shreds hopes and dreams.

The Buzzword Zone: The idea for the Buzzword Zone came when a bunch of Scrabble pieces were thrown at a wall and the team went with whatever they got.

“The business world is running out of meaningless words that they can throw around when they don’t want to divulge any real information,” said Horace Tump, VP Buzzwords at the Zone Zone.

“At the Buzzword Zone, we’re just pumping out the next batch of fancy-sounding nonsense.”

The zone has created new words such as “Synergystivize,” “Optomification” and “Notarealjobapreneur.”

The Beanbag Zone: “Regular offices are inspiration-suckers,” said Falcon. “And that’s where the Beanbag Zone comes in.”

They’ve added slides instead of stairs, beanbags and exercise balls for chairs, and more foosball tables than is comfortably acceptable.

“Sure, we don’t really have a business plan or a product or anything just yet,” said Falcon. “But look at our office! Isn’t it cool?”

“It’s so great to see another Zone open at Ryerson,” said former president Sheldon Levy. “It’s very important for student entrepreneurs to… wait, I don’t have to care about this crap anymore!”

Levy was last seen running through the SLC yelling, “I’m free!”

The Zone Zone is currently doing research for their next creation, the Cal Zone.

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