University: is it worth it?

By Mahogani Harris

The end of the school year is right around the corner and for those graduating, this might not be such a good thing. This isn’t really news to any student in their fourth year.

In a recent study by EduPolls, it was found that 80 per cent of fourth-year students don’t know what they’re going to do after graduation.

“Who didn’t fucking see that coming?” said Rebecca Hall, a fourth-year urban and regional planning student at Ryerson University. “We’re taught that university is the best four years of our lives – give or take a couple extra years if you’re an overachiever – but what happens when your time’s up and you have to leave?”

Hall said that if it’s any consolation she’s learned how to win a game of beer pong, get free drinks at the bar and stretch $20 to last over the course of a month. “Those are valuable life skills,” said Hall.

“After four years of countless hours of missed sleep, empty coffee cups and failed mid-terms, university is the biggest mistake you’ll make,” said EduPolls CEO, Dr. Mark Richardson.

“University used to guarantee stability, now all you’re guaranteed is student debt,” said Richardson. “We (at EduPolls) noticed that most students only stayed in school because they didn’t know what else to do. Fucking pathetic millennials.”

Matt Anderson, a fourth-year arts and contemporary studies student at Ryerson, said his program didn’t prepare him for anything. “I mean, what am I supposed to do with an arts degree? Nothing. Literally nothing.”

“I’ve already lined up a job bussing tables this summer, because that’s all I know how to do,” said Anderson.

Richardson said that students should just give up now. “The economy has already screwed them over, so what else do they have to lose?”

Instead of stressing about what’s next after graduation, remember that there are still valuable days left. So go ahead and stress about yours finals you don’t care about, get dragged to the bar that you wish you weren’t at and hook up with the random guy you met the other night.

That’s what you’re paying for, after all.