Because fuck natural lighting. PHOTO: CHRIS BLANTCHETTE
Cover the windows, all the windows.

Illustration: Chris Blanchette

SLC windows set to be covered in wallpaper

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By Sidney Drmay

Ryerson University will begin wallpapering the Student Learning Centre (SLC) on Thursday, Nov. 17 after hundreds of complaints from students.

“Honestly, it’s just too bright. I tried sitting in the lobby floor but, of course, the sun was in my eyes the whole time. I switched floors and let me tell you, the Beach definitely lives up to its sunny name. After that I gave up and went home,” said third-year philosophy student Alissa Ringwood.

The SLC features massive walls of windows that make up the entire building, which leads to sun shining through no matter where you’re sitting.

“It turns out that all those windows just weren’t a good idea,” said head architect Frank Friya. “Students have been saying that it’s just too bright.”

A 45-member task force called the Student Learning Centre Brightness Issue Where the Sun Gets In Every Window and Blinds People All the Time Working Group Task Force, or SLCBIWSGIEWBPATWGTF, was formed to deal with the issue. The top solution voted upon was wallpapering the entire SLC using Ryerson’s famous blue and gold.

Some people, like first-year entrepreneurship student Wilbur Robinsun, feel that this is an unnecessary solution.

“When I realized it was too bright in the SLC I just started studying with sunglasses on and then I sold an extra pair to a friend,” Robinsun said. “Now I have a whole kiosk set up in the SLC and I sell sunglasses to everyone who needs to block out the brightness. It’s the perfect solution!”

Despite Robinsun’s efforts to keep his sunglasses kiosk relevant, the SLCBIWSGIEWBPATWGTF has decided to move forward with their wallpaper plan.

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