Photo: Sierra Bellmore

How to be fancy: a (posh) guide to posh living

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By Skyler Ash

Is your life lacking elegance? Probably. Do you think you could be more ornate in your day-to-day activities? I do. And lastly, do you like to read lists? I thought so. If you answered “yes” to any of these questions—even though I answered them for you—then this list is for you!

As a bonafide very fancy person (AKA, I dress nicely and usually do something with my hair), here are some surefire ways to jazz up your life:

Listen to classical music. Picture this: You’re draped across your elegant fainting couch (like a real couch but half of the back is missing, which is ideal for fainting), wrapped in a luscious silk robe, and Tchaikovsky is playing softly from the phonograph in the corner. As your manservant, Claude, feeds you a plump grape, you get lost in the beauty of the overture.

Pinkies up. Imagine it: you’re out to a luncheon (yes, you say “luncheon” now) with a few of your closest friends, who you pretend to be close with in person but actually hate, and all the while you are secretly sleeping with Blythe’s husband, who is also sleeping with Nigel, Caroline’s brother-in-law, who is married to Eleanor, who is actually a very nice person and doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment. Anyway, you’re having tea, and your pinky is up, because you’re better than the others, and you know it.

Dress lavishly. I cannot stress enough how important this is, as we all know that society values you solely on your looks and not your actual worth. As such, it is key to look as good as you can. For a casual daytime look, try a simple pressed suit jacket, paired with a tapered dress pant and a simple but perfectly-shined oxford. For a quiet dinner in with the family, a simple tailcoat or gown will do. For night, silk pyjamas are a must.

With these tips, you are sure to impress. I’d know, because I live like this daily, and people are always very impressed by me. So go forth and be as fancy as you can be, because at the end of the day, it’s not about being a nice, kind person. It’s about material goods and the societal hierarchy that values looks and possessions above all.

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