By Skyler Ash and Emerald Bensadoun
Well, it’s been a slice. By the way, it’s me, Skyler, your local fun editor for the last year and a half. We’ve been through a lot together. Remember that time you thought Ryerson was getting a tunnel? Or that Lachemi was giving you back your 6 Fest refunds and also planning an Easter egg hunt? God, you’re stupid. But I love you anyway.
You guys have stood by me through thick and thin—all the bad puns and even some of the clever ones. And through the beautiful mess that was the parody issue in October. Remember that? It was that time you went to pick up The Eyeopener but it was actually a satirical rendering of InTouch magazine? That was pretty funny. But it’s not normal to have this job for more than a semester and I did it for three, so it’s time to move on.
I’m sorry I’m leaving you, and I’m sorry I didn’t put more sudoku in the paper. But I just really hate sudoku and the mazes seem to be more fun. Also, sorry the mazes are hard. If it helps I can’t really solve them, either.
I’m going to miss you and I know you’ll miss me, because I’m pretty cool and occasionally funny. But I’m moving onto other things. I’m the features editor here next year, so you’ll find my work in the middle of the paper, not the end. But I’ll never forget all the good times we shared.
I leave you now in the hands of a girl named Emerald. She’s funny. You like her work. She’s your fun editor now. But don’t forget me. I certainly won’t forget you. I’ll write for you again next year, I promise.
All my love,
Your fun overlord, Skyler Ash
Jambo! If you’re reading this, I’m alive, I’ve survived initiation, and I’ve been elected your new fun editor. I’ll admit, I nearly shat myself. It was a perilous journey. While I can’t tell you anything too specific about my induction ceremony into The Eyeopener, what I can say is that it was oddly reminiscent of a Tarsus Club commencement, except instead of sacrificing virgins to Satan in the name of the esteemed Illuminati, the movie Finding Nemo is played on repeat. Also, there was a torch involved. Buildings were burned, and there were some fatalities.
But I digress! Today is not about unintentional arson. Today is about the little editor that rose from the ashes, like that phoenix from Harry Potter. Clumsily, squawking, and ready for my close-up. Am I kidding? Maybe. Maybe not. You’ll never know.
My fellow Ryerson-goers, there will be laughs. There will be tears. Most of all, there will be people trying to sue. What do we say to those people? According to our beloved legal team, “fuck ‘em.” In this era of eternal Ramnation, I for one am pretty gosh darn excited.
Thank you for electing me, and get ready for some fun.
Your friendly neighbourhood fun editor, Emerald Bensadoun