People are having to go back to school. Illustration: Camila Kukulski
Photo illustration: Camila Kukulski

What to put in your backpack

In Fun & Satire /

By Skyler Ash

Everybody has a backpack. Unless you’re one of those people who carries a sassy side bag or a purse. (If you’re one of those people, I don’t like you. Stop kidding yourself and carry a backpack already). But sometimes it can be hard to know what you should put in your bag for that long day ahead at school. So, here’s a handy guide to let you know what to toss in that thing you strap to your body and lug about campus.

  1. Bandaids. You should always pack these just in case, because you never know when you will have an accident.
  2. Diapers. Again, you never know when there will be an accident.
  3. Snacks. If you know me-which you probably don’t, because I don’t know a lot of people and tend to keep to myself-then you know I carry a lot of snacks. Why? I’m often at school for about eight hours a day, and I also enjoy a good granola bar now and then. I eat a lot, OK? Get off my back!
  4. Elbow-length gloves. Imagine this: you’re walking around Kerr Hall after a long lecture, and suddenly you hear beautiful, operatic music streaming from a nearby classroom. You look in and see a glorious ballroom dance happening, and you want to join in. It’s been a long day and you want to let loose. But if you don’t have elbow-length gloves, they’re not going to let you in. Plus, sometimes it’s cold and gloves are nice.
  5. Extra paper. This just makes good sense. You take notes in class on paper. Also, if you’re using your laptop: I think it’s annoying and you should  stop. Unless you need it for academic purposes, then by all means, type away. But you in the third row, it’s September, swimsuit season is over, stop online shopping.
  6. Balloons. It’s that kind of item that you don’t envision yourself ever needing at school until all of a sudden you need it and don’t have any. So just toss some balloons in your bag in case the moment arises. When it does, you’ll know.

So there you have it. That’s everything you need in your bag. Go throw out anything that isn’t on this list, you don’t need it! Trust me. I, with absolutely no authority on the subject whatsoever, know what I’m talking about.

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