Illustration: Sarah Krichel

“I’ve been studying from TIME”: A Toronto mans fails an english oral exam

In Fun & Satire /

By Sarah Krichel

A Toronto mans failed his English oral exam this morning. You could say he’s cheesed.

“I pull through for class every week, and the prof still sauces me an F,” said Toronto mans and fourth-year business management student Turrah Nah. The self-proclaimed sweeter mans says that he doesn’t understand how this keeps happening to him, because he “reaches” class everyday.

“The TTC is not so greezy, but I still link up,” said Nah, who originally hails from Mississauga, Ontario.

In an interview, Nah told The Eyeopener this was the third semester in a row he failed his English oral exam. The instructions said he would read excerpts from various Shakespeare productions. It was worth 40 per cent of his grade—which Nah says is a little “sus.”

Nah said he studied for weeks and didn’t expect to receive a failing grade.

“I’ve been studying from TIME,” said Nah. “Thought I was finna do better. But the prof snaked, eh?”

Nah is just one of the many self-identified Ted Rogers School of Management mans who spoke to The Eye about the unfair Shakespeare assignment. None of them understand why they failed.

Mohamed Lachemi told The Eye that several sweeter mans have been coming to his office to complain about the unfair grading. After receiving these complaints, Human Resources department decided to look into the matter.

“We are being as innovative as we can,” he added, while media relations officer Lauren Clegg handed him a crisp $50.00 bill.

Meanwhile, a startup by a student mandem called Good-looking Tings Appreciated (GTA) is looking into Nah’s case by crunching numbers on Ryerson student populace who also identify as Toronto mans.

GTA president Bram Tonne said that so far, the team studying the case has found a steady increase in the number of Ryerson students who commute from Etobicoke, Brampton, Mississauga and Scarborough.

“The 6ix is a diverse place, fom,” Tonne said. “GTA wants Ryerson to be accepting of different districts’ dialects and lingos. There is a problem when the course materials do not align with the cultural differences between the diverse student population.”

GTA is a student run club that watches Born To Be, Much Music’s documentary about Drake, every Wednesday night on the Student Learning Centre steps. On weekends, the group said they watch old reruns of Keys to the VIP for “inspiration” before hitting a night on the town.

The group is looking to ratify themselves at the next Ryerson Students’ Union board meeting. If the motion is passed, an after party will be held at Rebel Nightclub.

A student in Nah’s class and witness to Nah’s presentation told The Eye that instead of reciting, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks,” from Hamlet, Nah recited “Cyattie needs to CHILL, fam. Say word.”

The witness also said when trying to recite “Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow,” from Romeo and Juliet, Nah proclaimed, “U up? Wyd? What would you do if I were there rn? And then what?”

When asked by his professor to sit back down, Nah dabbed and took a lengthy bow instead.
Nah is enrolled in a fourth semester of this English Shakespearean class and says he has high hopes that he’ll get it this time around.

“I’m no wasteman,” he said. “I’m trynna swerve on the prof next time, hopefully they bless me.”

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