Photo: Premila D'Sa

Male student’s motivational posters preventing him from getting laid

In Fun & Satire /

By Lyba Mansoor

On a Friday night, Kyle O’Reiley, sat alone in his dorm room—one cheaply made, misspelled poster away from having sex.

While most of his friends were busy living their university student lives, the first-year Ryerson school of graphic communications management student pondered his failure. Another night in Pitman Hall, ended too early. While plenty of women had graced his dorm room double bed, none of them would stay.

“Why do the girls keep leaving me?” He wondered loudly. He took to Facebook and Twitter to ask the public for answers, and while nobody could give him the answers he was looking for, his posts went viral—which he said was “better than nothing.”

One week later, an Eyeopener investigation into O’Reiley’s unlucky streak determined his poor motivational poster choices are dashing his chances of getting laid.

“Things generally seem to be going pretty well in the beginning. I’ll invite them to my room and they’ll stay for a few minutes, but then they’ll give me weird looks and leave,” O’Reiley said.

He told The Eyeopener that he hasn’t had a single sexual encounter since he finished  decorating his dorm room. Despite having multiple women over, he said he doesn’t have “the slightest clue as to what [he’s] doing wrong.”

“I was totally down to sleep with him,” Kerry Evans, one of the several women who admitted to almost engaging in intercourse with O’Reiley this past school year said, “but as soon as I caught sight of that ‘Luagh, Live, Love’ poster I just couldn’t do it.

Evans explained how her eyes were “blinded by an array of rainbow coloured, print posters with comic sans and incorrectly spelled inspirational quotes.” Just horrible, really.

What she described next, is the stuff of nightmares.

O’Reily’s ‘Live, Love, Luagh’ poster, in all its neon lettered glory was simply the last straw for Evans.

“Like, COME ON,” she fumed. “If you’re going to have an obnoxious, lame poster like that up you could at least spell the words correctly!”

Among the 30 posters Evans described, one that read “you miss 100 per cent of the shots you don’t take,” tacked to the ceiling directly atop O’Reiley’s bed stayed with her the most.

“When things got heated between us, laying on his bed I was forced to stare at the poster. I read it ten times. I couldn’t blink fast enough,” she said.

O’Reiley said he’s been collecting motivational posters from various school sales, thrift stores and online websites since he was 12 years old.

He has remained completely oblivious to the effect his posters are having on prospect sexual partners, and told The Eyeopener that he has plans to continue purchasing posters anywhere he can get his hands on them.

He said they inspire him daily, encouraging him to give each task his all, and reminding him to “keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground,” as one of his favourites read.

O’Reiley, who hopes his celibacy streak comes to an end soon, says he plans to continue trying to “live, laugh and love life like there’s no tomorrow,” despite the setbacks he is currently facing.

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