Photo: Camila Kukulski

“Scream Like Goku” to become a frosh event next year, officials say

In Fun & Satire /

By Shakir Rimzy 

Last week, Ryerson University announced through the dragon balls that Scream Like Goku will become its flagship frosh event for 2018.

Starting next year, for a fee of $3.50, students will be given a two-hour window in the Ryerson quad to scream like the popular anime character.

Scream Like Goku, which has become a worldwide phenomena, is the act of screaming at the top of your lungs in a squatting position, similar to that of defecation. The purpose of the scream is to increase the body’s natural energy in order to break through a mental barrier, exponentially increasing the person’s fighting potential. It works really well on TV.

During the event, participants will attempt to enter Goku’s super powered state called “Super saiyan” (SS) which is like the magical, euphoric state of Nirvana—but without all of the drug paraphernalia.

You’ll know you’re doing it right if you experience a dramatic increase in strength, stamina and a substantial decrease in carotene levels, turning the hair of the prospective SS a Draco Malfoy-blonde, with the added property of defying gravity.

When multiple people attempt to reach SS it has the same audio quality of a pack of dying wolves. Many people living in surrounding areas of past Scream Like Goku events have filed noise complaints, but Rye president Mohamed Lachemi said he thinks this year’s frosh event will have everybody saying “kah may ha may ha!”

Lachemi, a closeted anime connoisseur, dismissed negative claims, instead reasoning that the “cultural and social impact of reaching super saiyan is worth any amount of noise complaints.”

“Super saiyan is the most innovative way to increase the academic, social and athletic output of students,” said Lachemi “This will make Ryerson the best school in Ontario.”

Lachemi further stated that the university will benefit from having an “army of super-powered, platinum blonde guardian angels.”

The motion has met resistance from within Ryerson’s own anime community, with the president of Ryerson’s anime society (RAS), Sailor Crystal, calling the move a “blatant cash grab.”

In a post made on the group’s Facebook page, the group cites several key cultural differences between true anime appreciation and the commercialized event that the university is offering.

“No one should have to pay to increase their power level,”  the post reads.

“Increasing one’s power level should be done through the intensive grinding and marathoning of all classic anime series, not a group event that only celebrates one superficial aspect of the show by people who are *clearly* only interested in it for the memes.”

According to Crystal, a power level is a commonly used term to define someone’s anime experience in a numerical form. A power level of over 9000 is considered the level of a master.  

“This event won’t get people past  9,000,” said Crystal.

The RAS president  said she places great importance on guiding as many people to a strong power level as she can. As a person who’s seen over 200 anime series, including every Miyazaki and Ghibli films, she feels that she has the self-importance and arrogance of a true anime fan.

“I even go to conventions,” she said. “I actually know how to cosplay as Goku, as opposed to all of these posers just pretending to be him.”

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