By Lyba Mansoor
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and putting together the perfect romantic day can be a struggle. Agonizing over the details, like where to eat or what kind of chocolate your significant other would like can turn this otherwise sweet day a little sour. In the hopes of helping to ease some of the difficulty that comes with planning the perfect Valentine’s Day, we’ve put together a list of romantic gifts to bestow upon your partner that will leave them thinking “holy fucking shit,” the moment they open them.
1. Gym socks
When it comes to gift giving you can never really go wrong with socks. After all, everybody needs a pair. To spice up this traditional gift for Valentine’s Day, try giving your partner gym socks that you’ve worn at least twice. Your lover can slip these steamy beauties on when they’re missing you, reminding them that you’re always happy to run on over. The strong scent and texture of well-worn gym socks is sure to act as an aphrodisiac, an ideal way to set the mood on Valentine’s Day.
2. A tattoo of your current lover’s ex-lover’s face
V-Day is all about big romantic gestures, and what says “ultimate romantic gesture” better than an everlasting tattoo? Sure, getting your significant other’s name or birthday tattooed on your body is cute, but if you’re looking to really wow them this year, try getting a tattoo of their ex-lover’s face on some part of your own body. The tattoo will not only serve as a constant reminder to your partner of how much their taste has improved, but will show them you’re secure enough about your relationship to permanently make their past a part of you.
3. Grave plots dug next to one another
This one’s particularly good for the hopeless romantics. It’s ideal if you dig the plots yourself, preferably in the backyard of the home you may or may not share with your lover. If you don’t share a home together yet, maybe try the backyard of your dream home (wishful thinking, right?). Grave plots may not sound sexy, but at the end of the day, nothing is quite as loving as telling your partner “I want our bodies to decay in holes in the ground close to one another.”
4. A stick of butter
There’s a million reasons why a stick of butter is probably the best thing your partner could receive, but I’ll leave you with one: edible lubricant.
5. A vial of your own blood
Valentine’s Day gifts are supposed to come from the heart, and this gift does that. Literally. A vial of blood, varying in size based on how adventurous you’re feeling that day, goes a long way when it comes to expressing your love. It’s giving a part of yourself to your significant other, and will show them you’re willing to put your blood, sweat and tears into your relationship.
6. A canister of nuclear waste
Whoever called it “waste” was seriously disturbed. There’s not much that could top a canister of this nuclear goodness. This gift is a guaranteed crowd pleaser. Even though getting your hands on some may be difficult, if your partner is truly worth going the extra mile for, you’ll make it work. It’s unique, thoughtful and a little bit dangerous, just like you!
We hope this list of gifts helps ease some of your struggles on Valentine’s Day. Remember, being a loving and nurturing partner all year round doesn’t mean shit if you can’t deliver gift-wise on V-Day.