Photo: Kosalan Kathiramalanathan

Rye student still set to graduate even after not attending class since 2014

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By Dylan Freeman-Grist

Adam Wescott was surprised when he received a phone call from Ryerson’s administration early last Tuesday asking if he was planning on graduating.

“I think you might have the wrong number,” Wescott recalls replying with a laugh. He went on to explain that he hadn’t attended a class, or even ventured anywhere near campus for the last four years. The call itself arrived while he was finishing up a 12-week road trip through the Pacific Northwest, a spontaneous trip he’d made in the interest of “living life to the fullest before I’m too old.” 

“Oh, you just have all the required credits for your bachelor of arts” the administrator noted. “This is a customary call we do for students who forget to apply to graduate, mainly because we need to snag those late fees—other than that I don’t know or care.”

Upon further investigation, Wescott learned that despite his many, many absences, he was on track to graduate this spring, with a run-of-the mill 2.1 GPA and a minor in business law.

“It blew my fucking mind,” noted Wescott, who, in his head, had dropped out to pursue a career in extreme origami in late 2014.

Wescott first enrolled in the history program in 2014. After a semester of flakey attendance and lackluster academic performance, he decided it simply wasn’t for him, so he just walked off campus one night after a bender at the Ram and never returned.

“I just stopped going,” Wescott said. “In hindsight, I’m pretty sure I was supposed to file some paperwork, a friend still in the program let me know I was still probably getting charged but I just sort of pushed it to the back of mind.”

Even while in school, Wescott does not believe he actually actively earned any credits. He recalls showing up to one exam with a small class of 20 or so students and the professor threatened to call security because she did not immediately recognize him. Another time he showed up 48 hours late to an exam. Confused where everyone was, he had to double-check his calendar and course syllabus before realizing his mistake.

“I just shrugged it off and carried on into the next term, didn’t follow up or anything.”

For the last four years Wescott has been working odd jobs while running a origami-focused YouTube channel and dropping the odd mixtape here and there.

“I was shook,” he said.

Following up, Wescott logged into his old Ryerson email to see what kind of activity had occurred. While there were no sign of courses he had taken, he noticed that he still had time to book his graduation photos through the Ryerson Students’ Union and opted to do so.

“Oh, I’m going to apply to graduate for sure,” Wescott told The Eyeopener. “I mean who wouldn’t? While I’m out here loving life, if I can add a bachelor’s degree to my resume without effort I might as well.”

When asked what his plans are post-graduation Wescott seemed to be taking some time to make up
his mind.

“It kind of feels like the sky’s the limit you know? I might start working towards law school.”

Congratulations! If you’re reading this, you’ve made it to the end of this article. Full disclosure: none of what you just read is real. Satire is a noun that describes the use of humour, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues. Do the world a favour, share this story and try not to take the Fun and Satire section so seriously—we certainly don’t.

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