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Briefs & Groaners

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By Nathaniel Crouch


Local man has hell of a freaking day at Ryerson


Note: the suspect in all of the following incidents on Oct. 15 is the same man. First, an assault was reported in Kerr Hall after the man entered a workshop. When asked to leave, he threw a helmet and brandished a broomstick towards individuals in the room. Afterwards, he entered a nearby washroom and looked inside an occupied stall. He then threw pamphlets in the adjacent stall, which was also occupied, and turned off the lights as he left. Later that day, a student reported the man was throwing an unlit cigarette at the corner of Victoria and Gould streets.



Totally legal business deal


On Oct. 17, Ryerson security was called to the first floor of the parking lot at 300 Victoria St. Two non-community members were caught in the middle of a “drug transaction.” But fear not, the two Breaking Bad-wannabes were barred and escorted off campus, to continue their financial training in the world of dank elsewhere, no doubt.



Just keep ya stuff on you, people


Just this week alone, a whopping 21 unattended items were stolen from buildings across campus. From laptops to tool kits, cell phones to a single bike seat, if you can’t have it on you, just secure it somewhere. Trust no one to watch your stuff when you make a trip to the loo—not even the nice girl on the eighth floor of the library building. Try a locker instead.

At this point your carelessness with your belongings is making the Wet Bandits look like Vincenzo Peruggia (he stole the Mona Lisa once, history is cool).


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