Crosswalk light at Gould and Church streets is still trying its darndest despite construction

By The Crosswalk Light Across The Street

The water main upgrade construction on Gould Street that we all know is really to discover an ancient sarcophagus has drawn the attention of Brendan Fraser as well as hate from Ryerson students for how crappy the construction makes walking around campus.

Yellow fences now block off Gould Street, leaving only the sidewalks and some designated passages clear for students. The intersection at Gould and Church streets is one of the places the troublesome construction comes to an end. At this end, constantly working, is a crosswalk light that has never been more irrelevant.

The intersection of Gould and Church streets is now a three-way intersection as opposed to its usual four, meaning the crosswalk light has literally zero purpose.

The crosswalk light refused to make a statement to The Eye. They only insisted on everyone understanding, “You may now walk”, “You now have 16 seconds to walk,” and,    “STOP WALKING.”

The intersection in question was always a place where the rules were slightly ignored, with students jaywalking and cars acting like a making a right turn only meant slowing to a nice 40 km/h. Now, as construction goes well into the fall semester, students are in awe of the light and how unfazed it is.

“Just look at that little fucker go!” said Alex Balogne. “Literally just a waste of electricity at this point and its still got the guile to tell you when or not to walk. Incredible.”

Dennis Biggins, a struggling fourth-year student, was outraged that students may have ever listened to the crosswalk light.

“This intersection, especially where cars can no longer drive, was the hot spot of shitty, rich drivers. I can not count the amount of Teslas I saw breaking Mach 2 down Church street. It is still my dream to get smacked by a Tesla owner, someone you know will just throw money at a problem to make it go away.”

Reports say it will only get worse for the crosswalk light, as construction is planned to stop by 2056 or whenever Jennifer Keesmaat wins any election, whichever comes first.

The crosswalk sign could do what YouTubers are doing—stop functioning in the face of many people they don’t know telling them they suck—yet reports say otherwise.

This crosswalk light is planning on staying positively lit throughout the semester, and most are for it. Because it wouldn’t be a university without having something tell you to do one thing and only be able to watch as you do the exact opposite.