Illustration: Alanna Rizza

Three tragic haircuts your mom forced you to rock on picture day

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By Lyba Mansoor

Ah, picture day. The time-honoured tradition of forever encapsulating whatever tragic haircut your mom got you (or sometimes, if you were really unlucky, gave you). Moms are usually great and loving, no doubt, but if we were to just look at the haircuts they convinced you to pull off in elementary school, it would definitely look like they were trying to exact revenge on you. Here’s a look at some hairdos you probably suffered through before you were smart enough to say “no” to your mom’s ideas of what a razor can do.

The Bowl Cut

This one is among the more popular styles. Maybe because even a barber who had never seen human hair in their life could manage to cut this style? Your mom probably took you to the barbers, all excited in anticipation for picture day, and said something along the lines of, “I want my kid to look like Toad from Super Mario Kart, except a hell of a lot uglier,” and bam, there you have the bowl cut.

 The 3 a.m. Bangs

Aptly named the 3 a.m. bangs because your mom, being busy and all, may have forgotten about picture day. Would this stop her from making sure her kid had the freshest hairstyle possible? Definitely not. She’d remember in a startle at 3 a.m. the night before, and while both of you were half asleep, would drag you into the bathtub and hack away with whatever scissors she had on hand. So what if she didn’t bother turning the light on? Who cares if she happened to have grabbed decorative scissors leaving your hair looking like it had been chewed on be a hungry dog? This was picture day goddammit, and there was no way you weren’t getting a haircut.

The Close Shave

One of the more traumatic ones, especially for anyone who was quite fond of having long hair. Sure, the close shave, your pale unblemished childlike skin and the flashback from the camera left you looking more like Casper the Friendly Ghost than a live human child, but at least you didn’t have to worry about hairbands and clips falling out of your hair! Your mom definitely told you it was easier to manage this style, but conveniently forgot to mention that the kids would be using your head in place of the moon during games of Cowboys and Aliens.

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