Mother Nature fucks all of us

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By Andrea Josic

Nobody has ever had a perfect weather week, because Mother Nature is always ready to fuck…your day. Here’s some reasons why Mother Nature, in all her glory, is a massive top.

Blizzards in April

Spring is around the corner and that means love is in the air. More importantly, it’s time to get over your boo from last winter’s cuffing season. Just when you think you’ve completely moved on, she’ll bring back a reminder of winter, ready to make you miserable again.

Mid-summer heat wave

Mother Nature has set the Earth ablaze with passion and stagnant heat, leaving you sweaty and out of breath. Get that Vitamin D.

Flash floods

The weather forecast looks clear, so you left the house without an umbrella. With just your luck, the skies open and water pours out like a faucet. Surprisingly, the rain is refreshing. Let it tickle your body, queen. It’s not so bad being wet, is it?

Pretty much every animal ever

Pictures don’t do animals justice.  You don’t realize how big they are until you see them in person. This includes elephants, horses, moose… absolute units.

Earthquakes

All of a sudden, every part of your body is shaking. Glass shatters, earth cracks and everything is quaking, including that fat ass of yours.

The power to make the decisions

She does whatever she wants, when she wants to. She has the final say in all your plans. Hurricanes, volcanic eruptions and wildfires—she doesn’t really care how it affects you. Oh, you wanted to go to the club Friday night? Here’s a tornado warning!

Her unpredictable beauty

Sometimes, she just wants to fuck you. Other times, she’s so breathtakingly fabulous that you don’t deserve her. Think about those sunsets you never expect to witness but end up staring for an hour. Mother Nature is The Original Gay Icon.

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