By Zachary Roman
This past Thursday a long-standing record coveted by many Brampton and Mississauga students alike was shattered, when four
“It started out like any other morning. I woke up, complained to my family over breakfast and posted a couple snap story rants when the GO train was late” said Kate. “Things took a turn for the worse when signal delays held us up for 30 minutes, causing me to miss half of my class. I messaged all my group chats so my friends knew how furious I was—I know they care a lot about that kind of thing.
The Commuter Complaint, a magazine which is collectively the expert voice on all things commuters could possibly grumble about has been tracking all commuter complaints since its inception in 2010 on July 16th. “Our commutes feel real while we’re in them. It’s only when we arrive that we realize things were strange,” said Leo Oskarsnubb, the club’s president.
By implanting themselves into the commuter’s subconscious with high-tech gear, this elite group is able to tally each complaint as it happens.
“We find that most commuters are able to suppress the urge to complain in situations where it’s irrelevant,” said Oksarsnubb . “Kate however is a special case. We caught her grumbling about the recent TTC line closures at her grandmother’s visitation.”
Everyone has heard a horror story about someone saying their ex’s name during sex. Even worse than being compared to a past love is being compared to an Orion VII Next Generation Hybrid Electric Bus.
“My boyfriend broke up with me after I told him to f#%k me harder than the line one shuttle bus that makes me late for my bio lab,” said Kate. “He could never get as hard as my commute is anyways so maybe it was for the best.”
On a record-breaking day, the Commuter Complaint heard Kate complain at the coffee shop, all her classes, at the gym, at dinner, at the pregame, at the bar, on the Uber ride home, at the McDonald’s and finally to herself in bed.
“This record is unprecedented and unlikely to be broken for a long time,” said Oskarsnubb. “For the sanity of all the non-commuters out there, I sure hope it stays that way.”