Eye Horoscopes: Mercury is in retrograde, whatever that means

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By Lidia Abraha

It’s going to be a slow and sad ending to the semester since Mercury will be in retrograde from March 5 to 28—it’s the planet of communication, which means we all might fuck up when it comes to talking to each other. Here’s how it’ll goof up your month specific to your sign. 

Aries (March 21-April 19)

You’re too energetic for your own good, so slow it down this month. Listen to the people around you and stop making everything into a discussion. 

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Your stubbornness is going to get in the way this month; it’s best to be open-minded when you’re presented with an opposing opinion. Otherwise, shit will go down.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Your indecisiveness will be the DEATH of you this month. You’re going to be hella floppy and probably ruin some friendships along the way.

Illustration: Skyler Ash

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

It’s going to feel like everyone is ghosting you this month—good thing your shell is thick enough so you won’t cry in public.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

People are going to mistake your boldness for abrasiveness this month. If you have a job interview or networking event, be sure to disguise your energy with imposter syndrome.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

There’s been a lie looming over your head the last few weeks, there’s no avoiding it. The scale will tip, so it’s better to prepare for the damage.

Illustration: Skyler Ash

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) 

You might find yourself at more orgies than usual. You’re more into exploring this month, but don’t forget about that to-do list on your desk.

Illustration: Skyler Ash

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Cancel your vacation plans, because the stars say your plane is going to crash. 

Illustration: Skyler Ash

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You can hold your planner as close to your heart as possible, but retrograde is going to fuck you up. It may feel like the month will never end, but if you stay grounded you’ll survive.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

You’re a sign that flies with the wind, but all you’re going to want to do is float this month. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you’re in procrastination mode.

Illustration: Skyler Ash

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)        

Get ready for the tears to never stop and the line between dreams and reality to be blurred. You’re fucked, and that’s it. Good luck.

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