By Zachary Roman
A summer job can make or break the season—and your soul. Be careful when you’re looking for one, or you could end up wasting away the best months of the year in a pit of despair. So here are 10 jobs you don’t want to do if you value your remaining sanity.
Summer Staff at Ryerson University: If you have the gumption to stay on campus all year then more power to you. But no way I’m spending one more second here than I have to. Wherever you find employment here (godspeed, my friend) the air conditioning never works and you’ll be the only one not looking refreshed when the next semester comes around.
Menchies Frozen Yogurt: Not only will you be insanely busy for your whole shift all summer, you’ll also have to listen to each and every parent complain about the high prices when their kid puts 27 gummy worms on their froyo. We suggest watching any HGTV show and listen to all the complaining kids there, you can learn a lot about your patience.
Youth Sports Referee: The horrors of retail pale in comparison to the rage unleashed at referees on the job. Yes, Karen, that was a penalty, your kid picked up the soccer ball and threw it into the net. Over-competitive sports parents are the worst and if you disagree then you are an over-competitive parent.
Weed Dealer: It’s legal now so you’ll eventually lose territory and profits to the Amazon drones.
Dog Walker: Everyone loves dogs, until there’s eight of them at once chasing a squirrel, dragging you on a wild squirrel chase. You’ll need to pick up metric fuck-tons of dog shit, so despite how cute the neighbours Shih Tzu is, best skip this employment opportunity.
Unpaid Internships: There is no bullshit in adult life quite like working solely for the experience. If anyone wanted to work for free, my Nan’s lawn needs a good cut. At least you’ll get some lemonade and cookies out of the ordeal of working for exposure in the sun.
Ram Ganesh’s Lawyer: Sure, he would be able to pay you well, but you’d be fighting an uphill battle all summer long. Plus, court is much more exciting when you’re binge-watching Law & Order.
Recruiters on Gould Street: No, I don’t want to join your window-washing co-op, I want to go to my class. No, I won’t just take your flyer. I really don’t want anything to do with you. Can you please leave me alone?!
Park Ranger: When you’re not cleaning the worst-smelling camp bathrooms in the world, you’re getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. I love nature and even I don’t get the appeal.
Mohamed Lachemi’s Coffee Table: Starting salary for this position is $2,000 a month cash. However, staying in a table position for 16 hours a day is really hard on the hands and knees and I’m starting to wonder if it’s even legal. Thinking back on it, I’m kind of weirded out to be honest. Wouldn’t recommend this to a friend.
But we hope this list helps you in your job search this summer. With enough luck, maybe your next job can make the list next year!