Happy fall! Arts students can now wear turtlenecks without suffering

In Fun & SatireLeave a Comment

Reading Time: 2 minutes

By Claire Donoghue

Struggling art students now have one less problem after being put out of their sweat-soaked misery as temperatures drop. Arts students can now wear their turtleneck sweaters without overheating.

Much like the job prospects for their degree, the dress code for arts students is extremely limited. It consists of a turtleneck sweater, high-waisted Levi’s that must be authentically from the 80s and Converse that used to belong to their parents—because we don’t support corporations anymore.

During the summer, arts students would venture out into the heat as they searched high and low for an overpriced café that serves refreshing yet exclusive iced coffee. 

The sweltering sun did not stop the struggling artists from following the dress code and sweating through their turtlenecks. Many of them have stated on their poetry Instagram posts that they endured the heat because turtlenecks “represent the suffocating conformance of society.” Now that it’s fall, arts students can finally don their turtlenecks and take pictures at invite-only art exhibits. 

Lorenzo LaBelle, a second-year English student, admitted the summer heat was unbearable. “It doesn’t help that I live in an apartment with seven people because we love making art together,” he said. He proceeded to talk for two hours about his existential dread and did not answer any more questions.

LaBelle said his turtlenecks are made with 100 per cent organic cotton from a thrift store whose name is missing vowels. We later found an H&M label on his turtleneck, but LaBelle refused to comment further.

According to the dress code, arts students are also allowed to wear jean jackets with a minimum of 10 buttons and pins. Although, if they are seen wearing anything but turtlenecks during slam poetry night, they will be banned from future shows.

Glaring through her non-prescription glasses, third-year film studies student Sarah Kanken admitted turtlenecks are the least of the arts students’ problems. “None of us are getting jobs when we graduate. I might as well look good doing it,” said Kanken as she walked away into the pastel sunset, the unmistakable sound of Doc Martens boots clunking against the pavement.

Leave a Comment