By Andrea Josic
Help! How do I casually put my arm back down after my professor doesn’t call on me?
Noo don’t be embarrassed by rejection you’re so sexy aha.
You have a few options. Stand up on your desk and produce the loudest, blood-curdling shriek this world has ever heard. Sing the unheard song of students who pretend to yawn to play off never getting called upon. You might get kicked out of class, but at least you’ve been heard.
Alternatively, go to the Halloween store and buy a fake arm. We’re still in that sweet pre-Halloween period where you can return single-use decorations. Now, raise the arm. When you’re not called upon, throw the arm at the front of the room. In the silent moments of shock is your window of opportunity for you to speak your truth. In a loud whisper, say “My arm has been raised so long that all the blood rushed out of it, and it just popped off.”
To really show your commitment, get fake blood. I suggest using ketchup from the McDonald’s on Yonge Street and rubbing it on the arm. After you’re done with your spectacle and security has escorted you out of the building, you’ll be left with a delicious, multi-purpose condiment for your lunch. We don’t waste food, Ryerson.