By Andrea Josic
In an absolutely shocking, unexpected, mind-blowing, never-before-seen turn of events, the Ryerson Students’ Union (RSU) is a hot mess again.
Instead of letting down students financially, like transferring 6 Fest refunds into personal bank accounts or spending heaps of student money at places like Airbnb, LCBO and the Rec Room, the RSU took a different approach when entering the new year.
Inspired by 2020 vision memes and the urgency to “start a new decade fresh,” the RSU decided to shake things up and sprinkle bad luck and internal conflict onto its executives.
Four of the six original Refresh executives have left the RSU, leaving behind the president and the vice-president of student life & events.
Former vice-president marketing Victoria Anderson-Gardner and former vice-president equity Naja Pereira resigned at the BoD meeting on Dec. 10, while Augustine Onuh, former vice-president operations, was impeached at the BoD meeting on Dec. 17. Most recently, vice-president education Kwaku Agyemang resigned on Jan. 6.
As a result of students’ trust getting the shit beaten out of it for years on end, the RSU as an establishment has finally spoken up about the curse that seems to fall upon anyone who tries to better the school.
“Fuck students and the student politicians that come through this university,” bellowed a voice, coming from the sky directly above the Student Campus Centre (SCC).
God has been ruled out as a suspect because he abandoned Ryerson after the university kept trying to ride on the coattails of the fact that Drake visited the campus once for 30 minutes.
At the top of every hour, the SCC quakes and hisses, the roof cracking a bit more each day to represent the Mentos-in-Coke-bottle-awaiting-a-Mount-Vesuvius-equivalent-eruption that are students’ unions.
Upon an investigation of the SCC’s roof, all that was found was a small family of rats, gently cooing at each other. A Ryerson campus security guard, Ill Minati, says that the eerie announcements are Ram Ganesh transferring messages from his underground bunker, but this has yet to be confirmed.
Out-of-the-loop students were in for a surprise when they came back from the break to find out that over half of the RSU’s executive team was gone. Fifth-year engineering student Devin Joseph was appalled to hear that the RSU continues to disappoint well-meaning student politicians and the student body they represent year after year.
“School was out for about a month and again? A-fucking-again. Nothing new, nothing changed,” said Joseph.
Ryerson president Mohamed Lachemi likes to make a point of letting The Eye know that the university doesn’t actually have to do anything about the RSU at any point because the RSU exists independently from the university.
Although Lachemi didn’t have much to say about the recent turn of events, he tweeted about it briefly.
“Looks like those kids are at it again! Haha #OhWell #SundayThoughts Anyways I’m looking forward to this semester’s winter luncheon in the Kerr Hall gym #FeelingGrateful.”