By Eduard Tatomir
Ryerson students discovered that the 10th floor of the university’s library building has two possible cases of bed bugs, but the critters have since made a strong argument as to why they deserve to be there.
“Somebody has to use the resources this school offers,” said Larry Crawlin, a bed bug who lives in the library building. “We’re wrestling with as much existential despair as you are.”
This comes after a photo of a bed bug on a library chair was posted on Reddit by a Ryerson student. According to an email from Ryerson’s Facilities Management and Development, the library was steamed. About a week later, another photo was tweeted at The Eyeopener by a student who claimed a bed bug fell onto their textbook.
“Yeah, that was me,” claimed Crawlin.
He explained how he sees students using the building for everything but its actual purpose.
“These kids, they come up here to vape, gossip and watch Netflix. I even see couples making out in the corners. The librarians are the only ones who touch the books. What are students even paying for?”
Crawlin said he believes that he has a right to the library as a public space just as anyone else does, but students disagree with that sentiment.
“We want them out,” said Samantha Prott, a third-year engineering student. “And it’s not an insect thing. It’s not. I believe in bug rights. I don’t see species. I have many bug friends and I used to date a ladybug myself. But it’s just not right and I don’t want to look at it.”
Students plan on protesting the bed bugs, arguing that they’re not paying for the resources they use. Prott claims she couldn’t sign out a book she needed for class because a bed bug had been hogging it for weeks.
“I mean, what kind of bed bug needs to read about human anato—oh, wait.”
Crawlin will be leading a counter-protest of his own. He and his coalition are fighting for their right to stay and learn. He stated that they never bothered anyone before being discovered and they shouldn’t be forced to leave. The bugs hope to reach an agreement with the school where everyone can be happy.
A spokesperson for Ryerson, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of infestation, says that it would be hard to deny the bed bugs entry as they already run the entire city.
“They’re in our subways, homes, clothes, offices and now our libraries? They know how to get anywhere and they’re smart. I mean, look at them. They already know how to read. It’s only time before they start uniting to feed on all of us.”
Crawlin doesn’t agree with that claim. “It’s not fair to say that we ONLY want to bite people. It’s more than that. We just want to learn. If anyone should be kicked out, it’s the students. Do you know how many came to study during the reading week break? None. They were all out, posting about their vacations and sleeping in.”
When asked why he lived in the library building instead of his own place, he scoffed.
“Have you seen rent prices? I’ll never be as desperate as those moths who slam into porch lights repeatedly.”