By Jessica Adelson
It’s a fantastic day for student musicians everywhere.
Ryerson’s very own Jack Pott, AKA J-Pott$, a first-year undeclared arts student, woke up to a surprise last week when he looked in the mirror. In an interview with The Eyeopener, Pott said, “My morning routine consists of staring at myself in the mirror for 30 minutes and repeating verbal confirmations such as ‘nice guys finish last’ and calling upon Jordan Belfort thrice while turning counter clockwise. But that morning I looked myself in the eyes and I knew something had changed. I was looking at a star.”
Sure enough, he checked his phone and, after ignoring all the texts from his mother begging him to move out of the basement, Pott saw that he’d made it—he’d blown up on Soundcloud.
The day prior was like any other day for Pott. He was on his daily grind of plugging his EP—that he recorded in his homie’s dad’s garage—on Twitter, when he noticed the students in his Zoom class seemed especially bored that day. He decided to do them a favour and improve their quality of life by linking his Soundcloud in the Zoom chat. “They really came through for the vibes,” Pott said. “Big moves man, big moves.”
“The EP was okay I guess,” says Stuart Dent, one of the students that clicked on the link and helped advance Pott’s career. “To be honest I thought it was a link to the class Google Drive; I didn’t read it before I clicked.”
After reaching his new personal record of 5,000 Soundcloud streams, Pott was furious when he received a 48 per cent on a recent quiz in his “Becoming a Spotify Sensation 101” course. The lack of favouritism and complete disregard for his “obvious” fame evoked a level of rage that he described as “like when your mom says you can’t get McD’s because you have food at home but there’s only soy sauce and a bag of week old lettuce in the fridge.”
He went on to report, “I moved from the main floor to the basement of my parent’s house so I wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore, but I just can’t escape the disrespect.”
This injustice has caused Pott to rethink the quality of Ryerson as an institution, and he has decided to drop out to pursue his music career full time.
“Oh, he dropped out? Good riddance,” said Carl Marks, Pott’s sociology professor. “I’m sick of explaining to him that this isn’t a Scientology class and no, I don’t have the authority to issue a refund.”
Jack Pott can now be regularly found at the intersection of Yonge and Dundas streets, handing out copies of his EP to pedestrians. This venture has proven unsuccessful for Pott thus far, as he doesn’t wear a mask because “science is for nerds.”
Pott believes the public is intimidated by his fame, although an anonymous source says that passersby are afraid to come within six feet of him because of his constant cough. Public health officials have confirmed the cough is not due to COVID-19, but a side effect of his vaping habit.
Nevertheless, Pott says “it’s all part of the grind” and continues to bask in the glow of his recent rise to “stardom.”
So, to all the musicians who play their guitar during Zoom lectures to make themselves feel like the main character and because attention is the only thing that makes them feel alive anymore—don’t give up. Keep joining class group chats for the sole purpose of plugging your new EP.
The teachers love you and the students want to be you.