Student tries to orchestrate enemies to lovers arc over Zoom

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By Claire Donoghue

First-year English student Jane Swan has been trying to encourage two of her peers to enter a romantic relationship during Zoom lectures.

Aidan Leon and Nadia Noel said Swan began private messaging them on Tuesday after their Introduction to Archetypes class. 

“It was a really long class, I’d been arguing with Aidan and we kind of went over class time. We always disagree during discussions,” said Noel.

Swan messaged Noel and Leon for their phone number, saying it was for class purposes. 

“Class had just finished up and I was writing a list of comebacks to use for when Nadia inevitably says something stupid during again, when I got this notification from Jane,” said Leon. “She created the group chat with me, her and Nadia, sent a gif from Bridgerton and left the chat.”

“It’s a Wattpad story made in heaven”

Swan has made numerous attempts to encourage affection between the two, including changing her Zoom background to famous romantic settings, like Paris, London and the Toronto Christmas Market.

The most recent attempt Swan made was spamming her class’  Zoom chat with combinations of Leon’s and Noel’s names.

“So far I have Nadian, Aidia and Aidanadia, which sounds a bit like blood pressure medicine,” Swan said.   

Dr. Cue Pid, their Introduction to Archetypes professor, asked Swan to leave the Zoom multiple times for distracting class by spamming the chat with “<3” and “Nadian” whenever Leon and Noel debated. Even after being being kicked out, however, Swan often rejoins the Zoom call. 

“The fact that I can still keep coming back to lectures proves this love is just meant to be. I also have 10 different Gmail accounts. But it was still meant to be,” Swan said.

When asked why she believed the two should become a couple, Swan said, “Are you shitting me? Their names are literally backward of each other. It’s a Wattpad story made in heaven.”

Leon stated that he has no romantic interest in Noel. “Nadia is insufferable. She’s really fun to argue with and kinda nice to look at, I guess, but I still hate her.”

Noel said she could never imagine her and Leon in a relationship. “Aidan just makes no sense. I think about him all the time. I mean, I think about annoying him all the time, so I think about him a lot.”

Swan also somehow hacked into The Eyeopener’s transcripts of both interviews on Google Docs and commented on these quotes: “Is no one else hearing this?!”

The most recent class discussion in which Leon and Noel disagreed was whether romantic archetypes are overlooked in literature. Leon argued they’re disregarded because they’re overused, and that Noel’s stance on the topic was half-assed and his goldfish “could have made a more articulate argument.” Noel responded: “Well, at least I can get laid, Aidy.”

On Monday, Swan did an in-class presentation about Pride and Prejudice that included subliminal messaging targeting the two, featuring flashing words like “love,” “love each other,” “you should date” and a photoshopped image of their Zoom profile pictures pasted onto Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfayden during the foggy “you have bewitched me” scene from the movie adaptation.

“I think about him all the time. I mean, I think about annoying him all the time”

When asked if her name had any reference to Jane Austen, the author of Pride and Prejudice and other iconic romance novels, Swan had no comment. However, she said she has plans to turn her matchmaking skills to herself and is hoping to find her own Duke of Hastings after changing her name to Daphne.

Noel denied having any contact with Leon since receiving his phone number.

“Nah, of course not. I mean, I don’t really wanna say. But even if I was texting him all the time, it would just be to annoy him, of course,” she said. 

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