Your horoscope for the new academic year

In Fun & SatireLeave a Comment

Reading Time: 3 minutes

By Sakina Chaudary

As the fall semester is upon us, look to the stars to see what you can expect for this upcoming academic year.

Aries

You’ve been waiting to get started for a while and you’re ready to go! You know exactly what clubs you want to join; you’ve followed all their IG accounts, joined the Facebook groups and filled out countless Google Forms. But be prepared to go on a furious unfollowing and unsubscribing spree within two weeks. 

Taurus

You’re super prepared, if not over-prepared, to get back to work. Your backpack is stuffed with weirdly specific and useless school supplies from Indigo you’ll never use. You really don’t need 10 Muji notebooks for one semester. Is this the year you finally develop a work-life balance? Who knows. But make sure you pack some sunscreen for that almost inevitable burnout. 

Gemini

You might as well be an extra in the opening scene of High School Musical 2 because you’re always dreaming about summer. You don’t go to school to learn; you go for the people, but let’s hope your GPA doesn’t reflect that this semester. What can you say, you’re the life of the party! Those soulless Zoom and Netflix parties are just not cutting it and you’re excited to finally hit up the dance floor in-person. 

Cancer 

You’re feeling super overwhelmed about this year. You’ve avoided thinking about school for the past few weeks, instead mindlessly re-watching The Office for the eighth time, but now you must face it head-on. Your tight-knit group of friends is ready to go. With your bullet journal in hand, don’t worry. You’ll be totally fine. 

Leo

You’re always a stand-out networking star and there’s no sign of it stopping anytime soon. Your confidence will take you far, but don’t get ahead of yourself. Remember that time you tried to fake a British accent for a full semester but got caught two weeks in? You can do better than that. Try watching some YouTube videos beforehand and test out a new accent for each course. A little practice never hurts. 

Virgo

It’s your only time to shine. 

Libra

Over the summer, you ditched your toxic friends (and maybe a toxic ex too), and are ready for a fresh start. You perform best in peaceful, balanced settings so you’ve spent too much time scouring Yelp and Instagram to find the cutest cafe with exorbitantly expensive coffee. Will you actually get any work done? That’s unclear.

Scorpio

You need change this year. Why not learn the fundamentals of clowning in a Chang School of Continuing Education course? This is very real. 

Sagittarius

You spent the summer revamping your wardrobe and are ready to rule the school in style. You wear what you want, not really caring about current trends and are ready to flaunt your personal style. This year, however, you’d never be caught in Y2K fits, even though you’ve been obsessed with 10 Things I Hate About You since you were a preteen. 

Capricorn

You’ve already updated this year’s brand new planner and filled it with all your deadlines from D2L. Whether it’s getting into your dream grad school or starting a company, the only question that plagues your mind is: Are you good enough? Have you earned it? Have you? Think about it… 

Aquarius

You’re always ready for adventure and this year will be no different. You’ve probably just moved, got a new job, got a new identity or started a new major. With your wild schedule, maybe re-consider taking a meandering walk through campus for the third time today. 

Pisces

The semester started already? You just noticed. 

Leave a Comment