By John Vo
January has arrived and with it comes already broken New Year’s resolutions, freezing cold weather and the inability to go out and see anybody in these trying times. Especially for university students starting their winter semester, this can often make them feel defeated. Don’t worry though! Your internet bestie John is here to deliver eight tips to beat the January Blues and come out your healthiest and happiest self—on a reasonable budget, of course.
Cry over spending thousands of dollars on online learning for the fifth semester in a row
Have you realized that you just spent thousands of dollars to watch your professors struggle to use the internet for a third consecutive year? As Miss Swift once said: “I think I’ve seen this film before and I didn’t like the ending.” Allow yourself to cry over how you are totally not getting the true value of your education this semester. If you want to be super symbolic and deep, use dollar bills to wipe your tears, but since you’re almost certainly broke, tissues will suffice.
Yell out your frustrations
After sadness comes anger. Whether your family is driving you mad by entering your room and leaving without closing the door, or by the fact that a certain premier’s decisions doomed this semester, you just need to hate things sometimes. My advice is to stand in any corner of your house and yell obscenities. I like to do this in the bathroom because of the acoustics. If your neighbours start to complain, ignore them entirely or even invite them to join you. Nothing hits the spot more than a cult-ish group screaming session straight out of Midsommar.
Sniff candles as a form of sensory therapy
Going on walks outdoors and getting fresh air to relieve academic stress is so last semester. Instead, stay on-trend by lighting up so many candles to the point where it’s a fire hazard. Let yourself be whisked away into a world of good smells. My personal choice for a candle would be the ‘This Smells Like My Orgasm’ candle, made by my friend and icon Gwyneth Paltrow from her wellness brand Goop. Go ahead: close your eyes and take a deep sniff. That’s what self-care smells like.
Throw out all the blue items in your house
It’s perfectly logical that to stop feeling blue, you must get rid of everything blue in your vicinity. Put every blue clothing item, textbook and piece of Ryerson merch into a garbage bag. Then carry it to the nearest field, dump it all out, douse it with gasoline and light it all on fire. This is Marie Kondo’s method amped up to the max. The best part is that you and your family can bond by roasting marshmallows over the flames once they stop emitting toxic fumes. Red and orange are so chic and fashionable at the moment. Now, if only we could get rid of the sky…
Sleep 8 hours
This New Year’s resolution will be much easier than trying to find your way around Ryerson’s campus! Avoid pulling all-nighters and get those eight hours of sleep. Dream about a world where we don’t get random emails from Ryerson president Mohamed Lachemi that say absolutely nothing. An extra tip that I curated myself is to use your face masks as a sleep mask. Why attempt to unlock your third eye by squinting to read your philosophy class notes at 2 a.m. when you can protect the two you already have!
Don’t go to any of your classes
You need to start being a girl boss and make yourself your number one priority. Who said that school has to start now? You make your own deadlines! Ignore all the D2L notifications, log out of your Rye email, sit back and listen to your fave alternative pop Spotify playlist.
Take a vacation and fly somewhere fabulous
Snow and frigid winds are the most horrid parts of the winter season. Get away from the cold and fly out to your favourite hot and tropical destination like the material girl you are. In fact, I’m writing this from a five-star resort in Cabo while soaking up some much-needed vitamin D. Only hot people fly under strict travel restrictions. If you get it, you get it. If you don’t, you don’t.
Read and keep up with The Eyeopener
In the rare case that the other seven tips didn’t work, know that The Eyeopener will always be here for you, to keep you up to date with all the Rye news you need. Whether it’s learning even more about how useless the Ryerson Students’ Union is or another article about online learning, we’ll bring you updates on it ALL whether you like it or not. Forever. And ever. AND EVER.