By Ameena Pathan
Are you constantly seeing everyone around you get their dream jobs right after graduating from university? Do you scroll through Indeed looking at entry-level job listings for hours in your room and wonder what to do with your life? Hoping the pandemic hasn’t killed all the job opportunities left for you?
If any of these sound like you, then maybe grad school might give you some more time to avoid entering the real world and not think about starting a career! Take this quiz to determine if grad school is the right fit for you:
What does your typical Friday night look like?
A) Aimlessly staring at your bedroom wall dreaming up scenarios in your head about how you would react when you finally meet your celebrity crush Jack Harlow.
B) Wearing your skimpiest outfit, plugging in your light-up disco ball and logging into Omegle in an attempt to mimic the clubbing experience that you’ve missed for the past two years.
C) Stressing out while trying to get a fake doctor’s note because you decided to wait until the weekend before a big test to study and just realized it wasn’t the best idea.
D) Staying in to finish all your upcoming assignments while missing your best friend’s birthday because school comes first, and then later wondering why all your friends hate you.
Which social media platform do you use the most?
A) Snapchat, because you make impulsive mistakes and post things about yourself that should only be up for 24 hours—no more and no less!
B) Instagram, because you’re self-centred…duh? You’re the type who only agrees to donate to a charity if you get a cute ribbon with your name on it that says: “I helped make a difference.”
C) TikTok, because it’s not for cringy dance videos of 14-year-old kids anymore but actually about more important things, like learning everything you need to know about Palestine in 15 seconds or how to wear a balaclava…
D) LinkedIn, because you have a stick up your ass and feel the need to post about every minuscule accomplishment for your future employers to see that you’re motivated and hardworking.
What’s your favourite Ryerson building?
A) The Sheldon and Tracy Levy Student Learning Centre, because that’s where the chill vibes are. Your perfect day is lying back on the bean bag on the 6th floor, while you cuddle with your significant other and drape your jacket over both your laps because you’re pretending you’re cold. Seriously guys, we all know what’s going on down there!
B) The Recreation and Athletics Centre. It makes you feel good to walk proudly down the halls all day with sweat dripping down your back to let everyone know you just finished an intense workout that they would never have the motivation to do.
C) The Rogers Communications Centre. It’s the perfect place to have a cry when you’re sick of having to carry around 10 lbs-worth of equipment because of your major. You also spend your nights at the Makerspace surrounded by the beret-wearing students who make ‘post-modernist’ sculptures out of popsicle sticks.
D) Ted Rogers School of Management. You own seven pairs of identical suits and enjoy posting a picture of yourself every time you attend a seminar or meet-and-greet to remind your peers that you are slightly ahead of them.
What is one thing about online classes that you’re most grateful for?
A) Wearing only your underwear on your bottom half for a Zoom class (as long as you don’t forget and start walking around!)
B) Saying that your internet’s down so that you can get away with not attending class for the week—or maybe even the month if you make up a lie that’s good enough 😉
C) You’re not ashamed to admit it: being able to cheat. We all used to do it anyways, but now it’s MUCH easier to get away with.
D) Being able to multitask by listening to your online lecture and work on an assignment for another class at the same time.
What’s your ideal way to open a tight jar of pickles?
A) Slide a knife under the cracks and push it up so that the lid pops up.
B) Pour it under hot water until it finally pops open.
C) Bang the lid of the jar against the table until it loosens up and turns open.
D) Just give up and eat something else.
What does success after graduation look like to you?
A) Taking a gap year to figure out what you want to do with your life while you travel the world. You might as well do it during the COVID-19 pandemic as a round trip to Bali is currently only $60.
B) Your social media influencer career takes off as you land a brand deal with those trendy new Swedish diet pills that make you lose weight in 10 hours!
C) Your parents allow you to live in their basement while you “job search” but you’re really just spending your nights rehearsing beats for your next SoundCloud album drop date.
D) You’ve already got your dream job set up for you before you graduate and are ready to start straight out of university. You have no time to relax and start working right away!
Mostly As:
Let’s be honest, you’re too free-spirited to go to grad school. You’re the type to pour your milk before your cereal and put pineapple on pizza. You probably also say ‘toh-mah-to’ instead of ‘to-mae-to’ because you think it’s cool. You don’t want to colour inside the lines or be confined by a 12-point font, double-spaced format for any more additional years. Grad school just isn’t the right fit for you!
Mostly Bs:
You’ve finally come to the realization that the world does not in fact revolve around you. You’ve accepted social media isn’t a career and you will never be like Kim Kardashian or Daisy Keech and make $1 million off each Instagram post. You should listen to your parents and work toward a real job. Let’s consider a master’s degree.
Mostly Cs:
Grad school is made for people just like you! You studied an artsy degree in university that you now realize was easy, but also managed to kill every ounce of passion you had for your field. Give yourself a second chance and this time try to actually learn—you might surprise yourself by how smart you actually are if you just study!
Mostly Ds:
You don’t need grad school, you’ve got it all figured out! You’re already set up for success; you have all the connections to land any job you want, since you spent all your free time attending seminars instead of making friends. All you have is acquaintances and colleagues. But who needs friends when you have a good job, right?
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