By Gabriela Silva Ponte
Everyone has red flags. Whether your room is full of dying plants, there’s 10 half-empty cups of water sitting on your desk or there’s a chair full of unwashed clothes, we’ve all got these little things that make us more of a hazard. But while your room may give some insight into your flaws, your majors are even more relevant. Check out these romantic red flags about you based on your Ryerson program:
If TikTok hasn’t done enough damage to business students’ egos, let me do the rest. It’s no lie that they only have one assignment due per month and spend the rest of their time praising Elon Musk. They also like to rub in how much they ‘own’ because of their oh-so-profitable NFTs. They’ll go to parties on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, filling your Instagram feed with their late nights. Then, they’ll lay in bed until 1 p.m. on Thursdays and make sure to send you all the Snapchats of their ‘lazy day.’ These students sprawl with absolutely no anxiety over their procrastination—because, really, they have nothing to procrastinate.
Well, well, we’ll. Oh no. They’re coming. I’ve made a terrible mistake. Now, maybe that seemed a bit dramatic, but if you’ve ever encountered a journalism student, you know they care too much about grammar. Misspell something in a text and 20 per cent of your friendship is gone. Of course, that’s to compensate for the 50 per cent they’ll get off an assignment if they misspell someone’s name. So, really, they’re just bitter. If you can’t make a mistake that small, imagine when you make a big one: you’ll become the topic of their piece! And if you make it past the texting stage, you’ll have to meet them and meeting them feels strangely like a job interview. After all, they’re taught to ask questions and then take long pauses after you answer to ensure you’ve fully finished your thought.
Accounting and finance
These students definitely invest in crypto and have an app on their phone to keep up with stocks. As their partner, you might think becoming rich off Bitcoin is the best thing ever, but the red flag is they don’t ever shut up about it. Plus, try asking them why we can’t just print more money and the anger issues will really show. That is until they start reciting the entire script of The Wolf of Wall Street, which would be weird with any movie but especially one that focuses more on Jordan Belfort than Margot Robbie’s iconic character, Naomi Lapaglia.
Now, I can’t say much about these students; they’re living their best undeclared life and there’s nothing stopping them from going into whatever field they want. But, you’d better be prepared to stick around for their finger painting classes until they maybe figure out what they want to do for a living!
Let’s talk about their sleep schedule! Going to sleep at 3 a.m. and waking up four hours later is never fun, especially when they’re working their butts off, instead of playing their beloved Call of Duty. There’s also the obvious fact that they’ll want a 3D printer in your future home, and it’s only fair, so they can design you your very own Dyson Airwrap. You think that’s romantic now, but wait until that printer gets its own room that’s off-limits to your kids. And we know why they’re really studying so hard: the Iron Ring. So, if you marry an engineering grad, understand that your wedding ring will never be the most important one.
Everyone should be scared to have a friend in psychology—it’s guaranteed they’ll bring up Sigmund Freud’s Oedipus complex. Plus, they are definitely psychoanalyzing you during a conversation. You better shut that little mouth of yours before they tell you you’ve got three different mental illnesses and a victim complex.
I think there are no red flags here. Sure, they dress better than everyone and have never had a bad hair day in their life, but that’s what we’re all striving for. Although, you should prepare yourself for the God complex they get after sewing masterpieces out of cloth from Value Village. Last time I saw needlework that good, Aurora went to sleep. What I’m saying is, don’t try to compete with their perfect stitching; you don’t need that blow to your self-esteem when you try to make a top out of tights and your partner uses it to clean your bathroom.
So, it’s clear no one is safe from the red flags that haunt our Ryerson University romantic lives. And if these seem like too much to handle, just stick to your own company; there’s nothing that says green flag like spending Valentine’s Day alone.