By Jasmine Makar
Being different is often a fighting feeling, a battle that deters many from following their dreams and aspirations. But when the largest opposition is those closest to you, the disapproval can often hit harder—unless it can be transformed into motivation.
According to the American Psychological Association, the ‘black sheep’ label is typically adopted when people respond negatively to a person’s individuality that “threatens their group’s identity.”
Whether it’s starting a business beyond expectations, being the first in the family to go to university or simply following a passion despite push-back, some students at Toronto Metropolitan University have chosen themselves and their liberation over conformity.
Fourth-year business management student RJ Mijares expressed how the black sheep label—which was primarily established from having different outlooks than his family—now provides him motivation in his entrepreneurial endeavours and future career goals after graduation.
He said his biggest reason for feeling like a black sheep was because his goals “were different from other kids’ goals.”
Mijares explained that he has always chased a “simpler life,” and because of teachings from his mentor, a businessman he met in high school, he always had a different outlook on success—one based on saving and investing money rather than using it to go on vacation and relax.
Though he has consciously worked at his passions and aspirations, he feels a lot of pressure from his family to perform, especially now that graduation is near.
“When you start being treated differently in a way that there’s more expected of you, there’s more expected of you to provide than if you’re going to take on that kind of role [of chasing your goals],” said Mijares. “That’s when I felt even more isolated and like a black sheep.”
Mijares’ upbringing was also a large part of his mindset, growing up in community housing and seeing kids that “made it.” He explained the unspoken stigma that existed there, one being that kids in that environment “aren’t supposed to make it,” including himself. Mijares said he related to the mentality of being different—of being a black sheep.
First-year RTA media production student Tianna Copithorne explained her drive to attend university in a program reflecting her passion for movies, music, performance and storytelling.
“There’s so much thought that goes into [media production], it’s like you have the heart of the story and then you can do so much with the literal mechanics of the thing that you’re making and the science of it,” said Copithorne.
She explained that this choice eventually led her to become estranged from her father’s side of the family.
“On my mom’s side, that sort of ‘different-ness,’ the thing that made me special was celebrated…and then on the other side, it was almost [just] tolerated,” said Copithorne.
When Copithorne decided to pursue her media production aspirations, her relationship with some family members “soured completely,” leaving her battling conflicting emotions.
She is the first in her family to pursue film and media production professionally, and while this motivated her to pursue her passion, she also felt isolated.
“Every negative experience I’ve had with being the black sheep ties back into that feeling of some people just don’t get it.”
Although both Copithorne and Mijares found motivation through the black sheep label, they also have their own qualms with the label.
“Every negative experience I’ve had with being the black sheep ties back into that feeling of some people just don’t get it.”
Experiencing a loss of confidence is not uncommon with this characterization and Mijares shared that “most people give up and it’s like, ‘I’m gonna give up because everybody’s told me I can’t do it’ […] it eats at you because now you feel less confident in yourself.”
Licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis emphasized that feelings of shame and guilt are common among individuals who feel like a black sheep.
“This does not mean that the person did anything wrong, or that anything about them is wrong at all,” she wrote in an emailed statement to The Eyeopener.
Mijares echoed similar sentiments, as he is the first in his family to go to university and start his own business at just 20 years old.
He expressed his frustration and his continuous hunger to do more despite facing many people who doubt him.
“‘You’re not gonna be able to achieve those things.’ And I was like, ‘OK, watch me,’” he recalled, referencing frequent comments from friends and family. “My goals really haven’t deviated that much at all from what I want to achieve out of life.”
Gillis explained that the struggles and situations that some individuals face when self-identifying with the black sheep label can often result in them needing to create their own methods of navigating life.
“Being the black sheep can sometimes ‘force’ us, in a way, to develop our own ways of personal growth and reinforce our individuality,” she wrote in the statement. “For those who grow up knowing that they can not rely on their family for support, this often leads us to find our own ways and to learn how to take care of our own needs.”
Gillis added that finding ways to value and love yourself is important along with finding your chosen family.
Copithorne found liberation in being a black sheep because her passion was never “just a silly little hobby” but a career that was built from her love for art, writing and producing.
The RTA media production program has surrounded Copithorne with like-minded people with similar interests—an experience she never got to have in high school. Discovering this community has created a new sense of community in her life while allowing her to maintain individuality.
“The black sheep label, it was sort of something that I took pride in, standing out”
“You’re just surrounded by people who are both like-minded and also so different from you,” she pointed out. “It’s like you found a community of other black sheep.”
“The black sheep label, it was sort of something that I took pride in, standing out,” said Copithorne.
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