Walk around Lake Devo

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Shortcuts always do the trick.

You see your evil ex in the distance across the road from you, so you decide to cut across the street while you still can. As you hop on the street, you hear what a gnarly kickflip behind you. “Watch out!” A skater boy calls out to you as he finishes the groovy trick, rolling in your direction. But it’s too late. The two of you crash together and tumble to the ground. His lil’ beanie falls off to reveal some CUTE ruffled hair. Your eyes meet. His are a beautiful emerald green. “Oh shit, I’m sorry dude,” he says. But you aren’t mad in the slightest.

Those skinny little meatless thighs and that frail nicotine-addicted figure just do it for you. Nothing has helped the plight of the Lake Devo skater more than the popularization of Timothée Chalamet. And you’ll be damned if this isn’t a movie moment. You ask him out to coffee and he agrees. Slowly, you get to know each other more and more.

He volunteers at the animal shelter because he’s a dog person and looks after his nephew twice a week, so he’s good with kids. He shares his Juul with you and you talk for hours about music, dreams, life, love and struggle. You text each other all the time. Soon you’re hanging out so much that you decide to just move in together.

On one fateful warm August night, under the light of the Ryerson parking garage, he asks you to marry him. You say yes of course! You adopt three children and two dogs and live a fulfilling and happy life in which you make a positive change in the world. Victory?

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