Toronto Metropolitan University's Independent Student Newspaper Since 1967

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You go up to the library

That chittering noise is normal, don’t worry

Surely, Lachemi would be hiding amongst the stacks of books and academia, waiting for you to deliver the sacred message. You scour each floor, but alas, nothing. Defeated, you retreat to the 10th floor—until you hear some chittering. Maybe Lachemi took his lunch break in privacy and is nibbling away at a sandwich. You turn the corner, excited to meet your maker—when you see the most horrifying sight: hundreds of bed bugs. They’re busy eating the librarian, so you try to walk away slowly to escape. Like the clumsy asshole you are, you back into a bookshelf and send it tumbling down. The bed bugs turn in unison. They assemble into one large transformer bedbug, and their pincers are the last thing you see before the world goes black.

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