Category: Fun & Satire

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FACING OFF WITH HATE

Notorious German leader stands by racist comments.

AN IN-DEPTH EXCLUSIVE

October 18, 2006

This Week’s Topics: Philosophy and Canadian Politics In recent months, great debate has arisen over Canada’s role in the Middle East. If you were the Prime Minister, what position would you take on Afghanistan’s opium trade, considering its role within the Afghani economic infrastructure?

SOCK IT TO ME

The role of any newspaper is to serve the greater good.

CELEBS THINK I’M COOL, REALLY

And so celeb life goes!

ROAD TEST: 2010 PONTIAC HORSE SE

Pontiac has unveiled the new Horse, an entry-level vehicle available in showrooms next week as a 2010 model.

HOCKEY COLD WAR GOES TO THE BOUDOIR

I am getting tired of listening to both sides of this lockout.

SUCK THE COCK, YOU’LL GET A ROCK!

Gosh it's nice to be a love columnist. I get paid to write innocuous drivel that goes down smooth, soft and easy.

LET THE HOT CHICKS GET HITCHED, I SAYETH

All this talk about gay-this and gay-that is making my conservatively, politically-engorged ass swell up and sting with a red, burning rage--it's gotten so bad I haven't been shitting straight for weeks.

PAY FOR GAS WITH YOUR CHILDREN, NOT YOUR MONEY

Shell Canada Ltd. and Petro-Canada have launched independent campaigns to help make filling up at the pump more affordable: relinquishing first-born sons as payment.

HELL ACQUIRES NEW SOULS IN TRADE WITH OUR LORD

Beelzebub's three wings sent forth blasts of impotence, ignorance and hatred.

WAL-MART EXPANSION HORRIFYING, PROFITABLE

Profit to exceed that of planet Earth.

CALVIN KLEIN MODEL NAMED CEO

By Millicent J. Fluffington A Big Canadian Business announced yesterday it was naming white man John Smith, 52, as CEO after a long and arduous search for the candidate best suited to taking government handouts and suppressing ethics and morals.

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