The role of any newspaper is to serve the greater good.

And so celeb life goes!

Pontiac has unveiled the new Horse, an entry-level vehicle available in showrooms next week as a 2010 model.

I am getting tired of listening to both sides of this lockout.

Gosh it's nice to be a love columnist. I get paid to write innocuous drivel that goes down smooth, soft and easy.

All this talk about gay-this and gay-that is making my conservatively, politically-engorged ass swell up and sting with a red, burning rage--it's gotten so bad I haven't been shitting straight for weeks.

Shell Canada Ltd. and Petro-Canada have launched independent campaigns to help make filling up at the pump more affordable: relinquishing first-born sons as payment.

Beelzebub's three wings sent forth blasts of impotence, ignorance and hatred.

Profit to exceed that of planet Earth.

By Millicent J. Fluffington A Big Canadian Business announced yesterday it was naming white man John Smith, 52, as CEO after a long and arduous search for the candidate best suited to taking government handouts and suppressing ethics and morals.

Makes more work for this wannabe sport reporter.

She's the Shit.